The Adventures of ALBINO LAD!
by Rose Royce
Summary: Realizing that saving the world is his calling, Hakudoushi takes up being a superhero called ALBINO LAD with his firstgrade teacher and sidekick, Miss Gold Star! They save the globe in secrecy, because if Hakudoushi's mother finds out she'll beat him!
1. The Evolution of Albino Lad!

**:GAH! THIS STORY TOOK SO LONG TO COME UP WITH CORRECTLY!:**

**:Me and Maru-sha are doing another collab here, and this time we directly put ourselves in it so put up and shut up!**

**One day we were talking about what I would do (since I claime Hakudoushi as "my son") if he was, in general, a "good guy". **

**I said I would BEAT THAT KID until he DIES!**

**So, we came up with this!**

**Now you've heard Hakudoushi bash people, now you will see him SAVE people!:**

**:PLEASE REVIEW WHEN YOU'RE DONE! TASTEFUL FLAMES ARE WELCOME!:**

**:Hakudoushi is the business!:**

**:S. Devilin:**

* * *

While all the little first graders of his Earth school were playing those ridiculous…_games_…Hakudoushi sat all alone on a swing far across the playground to get away from his stupid, happy peers. He hates everything animate and inanimate; he feels there's no point to anything. Hakudoushi isn't "Emo", or gothic, or a victim of child abuse…it's just his parents way of "raising" their child.

There's his father, Naraku, who can't do a damn thing for himself but is strangely smart. He thinks death is the solution to all problems. "If you got an F on your report card, kill the teacher. After all, she wrote it." Was one of his many homicidal sayings of advice. Usually, Naraku just let's Hakudoushi do whatever he wants: read dirty magazines, don't do his homework, mediocre stuff. But all that disciplinary stuff is where the mother comes in.

The mother, Shirabe (A/N: Remember folks, me and Maru-sha put ourselves in here…'cuz we're cool like dat!), is where he pretty much receives the bulk of his teachings. After all, mother knows best. She isn't one of those mothers who are bound to keep their child from the outside world by telling him all the horrible things that happen only. Shirabe is just passing down what her parents in Hell taught her. Don't do ANYTHING THAT PERTAINS TO HUMANITARIANISM, LOVE, PEACE, OR HAPPINESS.

"Don't get married, marriage is for pussies…"

"Why buy it yourself when you can kill a person who has what you want, take it, and go?"

"Feed the homeless and die, little boy!"

See, no normal parenting here, just "real" parenting, as Naraku and Shirabe call it.

Anyway, back to Hakudoushi. Hakudoushi became fed up with looking at his pathetic classmates and baking in the stupid sun, he went inside the classroom. Miss Maru was in the room grading papers. She saw Hakudoushi go to his desk at the very, very, VERY far corner of the classroom. She waltzed up to him, bent over to meet his eyes, and gave him a big warm smile.

"Hello there, cute little white-haired freak!" Miss Maru greeted cheerfully to her stoic student.

"…" Responded Hakudoushi

"What's the matter?"

"…"

"Awww, c'mon, Haku-chan, you can tell Miss Maru anything!" she stated.

"…I smell cupcakes…"

"Oh! I baked some for my lunch! You can have one…on one condition,"

"…What?"

"You go back outside and have FUN! Be HAPPY! SMILE! And I'll come with you!"

Hakudoushi went outside with Miss Maru behind him, thinking back to when his parents said that it wasn't dictator-like to play, but being a defiant child anyway he made his way towards a group of normal human kids playing kickball. One of kids, little Kiesha, stopped to see Hakudoushi coming their way.

"Don't look now," Kiesha whispered to a boy. "That little Emo boy is coming…"

"What crappy lesson does he have for us today?" the boy, Tomas, replied. Then all of 'em changed when he got there. "Hey, Hakudoushi! What's up, man?"

"…I wanna play."

They kids were shocked to their bones. "WHAT?!?"

"I…want…to…play."

Kiesha looked at Tomas and Tomas looked at the other five children. They though he might be up to no good but they let him join the game. Tomas rolled the ball to some random school boy. He kicked the ball so hard it went over the fence and into the backyard of…

"The Evil Cat-Lady Widow Cutter!" Everyone shrieked. No one was fool enough to go into ominous backyard of the crazy cat lady who lived directly next door to the American school. Just when they abandoned all hope, here comes little Hakudoushi to the rescue! All he did was hop the fence, fought off the killer cats of Widow Cutter's, fought Widow Cutter herself, grabbed the stupid ball and hopped back onto the playground. They kids were quite impressed.

"Wow Hakudoushi! You saved are ball!" Kiesha exclaimed.

"Yeah, and I thought you were just a freak, but you're a nice guy." Tomas added. The other kids gave them their praises. With this, Hakudoushi cracked a small smile in satisfaction.

(An hour and 30 minutes of naptime later)

It was time to go home, but Hakudoushi's dumbass father Naraku put the portal to hell in the park about a mile away from the school. Without Entei, he walked and was already halfway there. At a stop, he met this old hag—I mean—old LADY at the signal. It said "Walk", but she couldn't move fast enough to make it across the street without getting run over. Without thinking to much about it, Hakudoushi gently took the old lady by the arm and walked her across the street.

"Thank you, my little albino child." Said the old lady, she went into her purse and gave him a five-dollar bill. "God bless, you son. Take care!" And she walked off. Now Hakudoushi was really smiling.

Hakudoushi was now about fifteen steps away from the park, until he started to smell smoke.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Screamed a woman across the street. An apartment building was on fire! His classmates and the old woman just so happened to be there with the screaming woman outside with the fire department. "One of you please,_ please_, save my baby!"

"WAHHHHHHH! WAH! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Cried a five month old infant from the fifth floor.

"I'm not going in there. You go in there, Fred" Said Fireman Ted.

"Nuh-uh! I'm not going in, you go in, Greg!" Replied Fireman Fred.

"Nope. You go in, Ted." Retorted Fireman Greg.

While Firemen Ted, Fred, and Greg were fight each other rather than the fire, Hakudoushi stopped in his tracks and ran across the street into the burning building. For a moment, everyone held their breath as they waited for the outcome. In no time at all, Hakudoushi came back with the woman's baby bundled in a burnt blanket.

"My baby!" Thank you, little boy, you're an angel!" Praised the mother of the child.

"Wow, he saved a baby from a burning building!" Said one spectator.

"That's incredible!" Said another.

"What the _hell_ is he, Superman?" Retorted on other spectator…

Hakudoushi started to feel all tingly inside, and with this feeling, he smiled the biggest smile that you would think of seeing on his face. It's not a creepy Cheshire cat smile, but a happy smile that was free of sadism and evil that he has festering in him for so long. Saving lives…helping people…maybe, THIS was his calling! It made him so happy! And at that moment, the news vans came screeching toward his way…

(Down in Hell)

Meanwhile, down in the fiery depths of Hell, the happy sadist parents of Hakudoushi, Naraku and Shirabe, were watching Earth news on Hell cable (hah!) in their room; They were both laying on top of the bed (not like that) watching who died and who's body parts will be in the fridge today.

"_Our top story today is about a little hero who has touched many hearts…"_

"Oh, geez…GOOD news…" Naraku grumbled, as he stuck his nose into a porn magazine. Shirabe shushed him and kept watching, although she didn't like it either.

"_A little albino boy has assisted the young, the old, and the helpless back-to-back!"_

"Albino?" The two said in unison.

"_He save our ball form the crazy cat-lady!"_

"_He helped me across the street, Bless his soul."_

"_He saved my baby from burning in the fire!"_

Shirabe was pissed. "WHO THE HELL IS SAVING THESE PEOPLE, WHEN THEY SHOULD BE DOWN HERE, BURNING AND GETTING WHIPPED BY ME?!?"

"_That's right! Here we have our hero, Hakudoushi!"_

The couple's jaws dropped in horror. Eyes boggling out of their heads. Their son was on the T.V. screen, looking like a deer in the headlights, being praised as a hero?

"_Now son, do you have anything to say?" Says the reporter._

"_Uhh…Hi?"_

Naraku quickly turned off the T.V. to meet his wife's face; red with fury. Quietly, he snuck out of the room, knowing what would become of him if he stayed. Shirabe got up and roared louder than a lion.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

And in Rome, where Pompeii used to be, Vesuvius erupted all of a sudden. And citizens ran as fast as they could to escape the hotness of the lava pouring out.

Hakudoushi came home with his arms full of awards like pie, scholarships and trophies.

Before he could cross any further trough the foyer, Shirabe was standing in the middle of the room, slapping a whip against her hand in disgust. He knew she was peeved at what she saw on the television today.

"Um…Hello _mommy_…" Hakudoushi said nervously.

"Mommy?" Shirabe repeated in a pissed off tone. "I saw you on the television, as a hero!" She whipped the ground as she took a step forward. "I never thought YOU would upset me this much! This is worse than the time you dated and brought Rin into our home!"

"But, mother…I just realized something today...going around, helping people. I feel so alive making people smile. It makes me…HAPPY."

That set Shirabe on FIRE! She turned redder than her father. "HAPPY?!?!?!?"

"Wait, mother, I'm sorry! I LOVE YOU!"

"I LOVE YOU?!?!? TAKE THAT, BOY! AND THAT AND THAT!" Shirabe began whipping wildly trying to punish her son. Hakudoushi dropped everything and ran away from the range of the whip.

"Foolish boy! No one can escape the awesome miss-free might of the _Mysteltain_!" She got her whip to wrap around his waist, jumped him, grabbed his neck, and strangled him. Feeling that wasn't enough, she wrestled him. That didn't satisfy her either, so she went back to the basics. She propped him up on her knee, light the whip on fire, and spanked him with a flaming whip. It went on way past his bedtime. Shirabe whipped him about 587, 453 times.

(The next day)

"Haku-chan are you alright?" Miss Maru inquired after school. Hakudoushi's butt was bandaged up, and he got a black eye and some more stuff strewn throughout his body.

"My ass still hurts like hellfire…" Hakudoushi grumbled. "But I don't get why my mother doesn't accept my happiness."

"Maybe she's not happy herself." Miss Maru concluded.

Hakudoushi shook his head no. "She (BLEEPS) dad every hour at home and tortures and cooks and trades slaves when she's not (BLEEP)-ing him. So she's a pretty 'happy' woman."

Miss Maru looked stunned for a second, and then reverted back.

"I want to help people here. But why stop there? Hell, Miss Maru, I want to help everyone EVERYWHERE! I'm going to be… a SUPERHERO!"

"That's the spirit!" Miss Maru exclaimed.

"But I don't want my mom to know, or else she'll beat me! I need an alias…I know!" Hakudoushi got up on one of the desks and shouted,

"I will be ALBINO LAD! SAVING THE WORLD OR UNTIL MY MOM FINDS OUT AND BEATS ME!"

(A/N: Sorry…no imagination here…)

"Ooo! Ooo! Can I be your sidekick?" Miss Maru pleaded.

"I don't know, aren't sidekicks supposed to be younger, and shorter, and not my teacher?" Hakudoushi asked.

"Well, if you make me your sidekick, I won't give you any homework!" She bribed.

"DEAL!"

"YAYYYYYYYY! No longer am I just a first grade teacher! I am MISS GOLD STAR! GIVING EVIL AN 'F' AND JUSTICE AND 'A+'!"

This is their dream…their curse…their poorly written knockoff of whatever was said in "Spiderman"…this is the beginning for a little Emo albino boy known now as the young superhero…

ALBINO LAD!

* * *

**:Please excuse any corny-ness of this story!:**


	2. I've been Found out ALREADY!

**YEAH I'M FINALLY DONE WITH CHAPTHER 2! NOW Y'ALL HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER WEEK FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER!**

**:Hakudoushi is life!:**

**:S. Devilin:**

* * *

It was a normal day. A train going 500 miles per hour leaving Tokyo to Osaka. It was a pretty safe trip, but unbeknownst to neither the conductor nor the passengers…THE BRIDGE WAS OUT! Realizing this a little too late, the conductor tried to stop the train. He pulled the lever to stop the train…but it failed. Everyone started screaming when the conductor announced that they were all doom. All seem lost, until…

_DADAD DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!_

"ALBINO LAD TO THE RESCUE!" Announces our hero, swooping out of the sky riding his trusty steed, Pony the Flaming Horse (see, Entei gets an alias, too)!

"AND MISS GOLD STAR DOING SIDEKICK THINGS!" Exclaims his partner, flying right beside him. They both arrive at the scene of the problem. The Train of screaming people was almost at the open gap of the bridge.

"Holy Gaping Holes, Albino Lad!" exclaimed Miss Gold Star, pointing at the broken bridge. (A/N: If you've seen THE first Batman show in live-action, then you would know how corny it was…) "That bridge is broken, and that train is about to fall through the hole!"

"Never fear, citizens I do not know!" Albino Lad stated (to no one in particular), "Albino Lad is here to save you! Hi-ho Pony!" Horse flew to another bridge nearby faster than you can say "Nobunaga" and ripped off the tracks on that one, leaving a hole there, too. He quickly placed the tracks onto the first broken bridge. Miss Gold Star, with her Heat-Laser Red Grading Pen, melted the ends of the new tracks while Albino Lad jumped off of Pony and stopped the train by pushing against it. The train stopped an inch before it touched the new tracks. The conductor and the passengers howled with cheer and praise. Some stuck their heads out the train windows just to see their savior.

"HOORAY ALBINO LAD!" They cheered, as Albion Lad and Miss Gold Star flew away from the train.

(An Hour Later…)

Back at home, our young hero stands in the kitchen, yawning. Shirabe comes up to him and bent over to meet her son's adorable psycho face.

"…Hmph. How can you be tired if ya ain't got a job?" She asks suspiciously, arms akimbo.

Hakudoushi gave her one of his looks (that seems to attract older women…). "I'll have you know, _mother_, that my life is tiresome."

"…You're six."

"If YOU were six, YOU would say the same thing." He stated, getting in her face. They stared at each other for about ten seconds, and then Shirabe stood up straight and brushed down her Jessica Rabbit-style dress.

"Mmm…maybe you're right. But I ain't got time to mess with ya, right now, dear. One of my "employees" won't give me my money, so I gotta go down to my brothel in Level Five." She walked out the kitchen, and then her head popped out from around the wall. "Oh, Hakudoushi, darlin', watch Shiji while I'm gone, m'kay?"

"Shiji? That's Kagura's job!" Hakudoushi whined.

"It's EV'RYBODY'S job. The less he kills himself, the better. Bye, baby." And with that she left.

Hakudoushi slouched a little, and looked down just to see Shiji himself. Shiji was his youngest brother, who just so happened to look older than Akago (because Akago can never get out of his baby stage). He was a true albino (powder-white hair, blood-red eyes), and the most suicidal Emo child in the entire universe and then some. Every second he's trying to kill himself, or crying, or both. No one knows why he's SOOOOOOO Emo SOOOOOOOOO early, as if he was born to die. The parents of dear Hakudoushi and Shiji argue,

"I don't understand…I just had him!" Shirabe cries. "Why is he so Emo?"

"He got it from you…" Naraku replied. "You hate everybody and everything."

"Or maybe he got it from _YOU_ 'cause you keep broodin' over Kikyo, even though EVERYBODY including me, that you're seeing her when my back is turned!"

"So…we're both to blame…"

"You bet your primate ass it is!"

…

Anyway, Hakudoushi looked down at a whimpering Shiji and snatched the bottle of cyanide he had in his hand.

"You're a freak." Hakudoushi mumbled. Shiji just started bawling, until his crying was abruptly stopped by a strange beeping sound. Hakudoushi looked down to see one of those ridiculous clown buttons on his kimono were flashing on and off as it beeped. He pulled it off and put it up to his ear. The button sprouted an antenna.

"Yo, what's up?" Hakudoushi said into the button. Shiji stared at him. "What? You have never seen a button-phone before?"

"Haku-chan!" Said Miss Maru through the button-phone, There's a bank robbery happening downtown! We have to hurry!"

"Don't worry, I'll be right there!" He put his button back on his kimono. "KANNA! WATCH SHIJI! I HAVE TO GO TO…uh…THE LIBRARY!" And he ran off to his room. Shiji stayed on the kitchen floor, pulled out a Swiss Army knife, and started to slit his tiny wrists.

Hakudoushi was in his room, changing into his hero's costume inside his movie-star sized closet. His outfit consisted of white jumpsuit with his emblem (a large AL in a Superman style) on his chest and tight red superhero-underwear over it. Over his eyes was a red mask to hide his secret identity from everyone…especially his mother. A portal leading from his room to Earth opened up for him and Entei.

"Come, Pony!" Hakudoushi/Albino Lad exclaimed, "THERE'S EVIL AFOOT!" He hopped on Pony/Entei and the two of them went through the portal to meet Miss Gold Star.

(At the scene of the crime)

Miss Gold Star and Albino Lad crashed through the wall of the You Are Totally Broke National Bank. There they find an open and half empty vault, tellers bound and gagged and the criminal and his baboon henchmen with bags of money.

"Albino Lad!" said the mastermind, in totally shock.

"NARAKU?" Albino Lad shouted in surprise. "YOU'RE ROBBING YOU ARE TOTALLY BROKE NATIONAL BANK?"

"How do you know my name? Anyway…that's right! And you can't stop me, Albino Brat!"

"Oh yeah? Maybe I can! With the power of…THE INTERNET!" He presented a disk that came from nowhere.

Naraku and his baboon spawn just stood there, confused. "Where did that come from? You don't have pockets!"

"On this disk are 48-hours worth of you and mom doing 'IT'!" He scooted up to Naraku and whispered "_Doggy-style…_"

Naraku shrieked. "Hey! How? What? I mean…The only person in the world who has that kind of footage is…HAKUDOUSHI?"

Albino Lad/Hakudoushi froze in surprise. Miss Gold Star covered her mouth to stop herself from shrieking. "I knew it! Come on…Albino…boy…chick-magnet…It's not Akago or Shiji…"

Hakudoushi had been found out! What will our hero do now?

"Alright Naraku! You found me out…but I have a proposition for you!" Albino Lad/Hakudoushi stated.

"What, boy?"

"Okay, if you don't tell ANYONE especially mother my secret identity and surrender the money, I won't post this homemade porno on the internet."

"DEAL! J-just keep your promise and I'll keep mine! I SURRENDER!"

"Justice is served!" Albino Lad exclaims, raising his fist outward.

"Thanks to the power of BLACKMAIL!" Says Miss Gold Star, raising her fist also.

**TO BE CONTINUED…**


	3. The Evil and Totally Sexy Substitute

**This was posted later than i wanted it to be...the site was being a bastard...**

**READ THIS! IT HAS YAOI...AND SESSHOMARU...AND MORE SESSHOMARU!**

**:Hakudoushi is gunna get ya, sucka!:**

**:S. Devilin:**

* * *

"…I-I'm sorry Haku-chan…" Miss Maru wheezes over the banana phone. "I can't come to teach and fight crime…"

"Why not?" Hakudoushi asked, almost yelling into said ridiculous phone.

"Because this cold is really…riding me…"

Hakudoushi gave the banana phone a disgusted look. "But, you're a teacher! You're not supposed to be sick! There's evil afoot! We have to fight for the Greater Good!"

"I'm the Greatest Good she'll ever have!" Said the voice of some guy over the phone.

"…Who was that?" Hakudoushi questioned, narrowing his already narrow eyes.

"Shhh! Chase, dear!" Miss Maru's voice said.

"You were having sex, weren't you?" Hakudoushi exclaimed.

"No! I mean, yes—I mean…PHZZZZZ-PHHHZZZ! S-so-PZZZZZZ-Sorry! I can't-PHHZZZZ—you're-PHZZZ-break-PHZZ -ing up! PHZZZZZ!" And then she (or rather Chase) clicked off. Hakudoushi got mad and started cursing his banana phone. Kagura came up to him angrily and snatched the banana out of his hand.

"Quit talking to that banana, you little brat!" Kagura growled, "it's time to go to school!"

(At school!)

Hakudoushi sat at his desk, grumpy. But he figures it's not that bad. At least he'll have more fun during class now. But he wonders who his substitute teacher? And then that's when HE arrived…

All of a sudden, the door opened and this strange bright, white light came pouring through the door. A choir was heard, singing "HALLELUAH! HALLELUAH!" from out of nowhere, and this tall, handsome, yet still funny-looking man stepped into the classroom. He glided (walking is for peasants) toward Miss Maru's desk and slammed a bunch of books down on the desk, grabbing everyone's attention.

"Class, I am your new substitute teacher…" he began. "I am…

"THE EVIL TOTALLY HOT SEXY TEACHER MR. SESSHOMARU!" And the angels sang as he said his name. The class turned their heads in wonder where that came from.

The class was silent. A boy raised his hand and asked, "Do you have a nickname?"

Sesshomaru jumped in front of the boy and landed perfectly on his feet (A/N: Why do you all HAVE to make him so PERFECT all the time?). "NO!" He screamed. "You will address me as,

"THE EVIL TOTALLY HOT AND SEXY TEACHER MR. SESSHOMARU!" (The angels sing again) "And since you dared to question my name, I'm going to send you out of here, FOR GOOD!" Sesshomaru grabbed the boy by the collar and threw him out of the third story window.

"Who else wants some?" Sesshomaru asks. No one says a word. "Good! Now let's start the lesson." Sesshomaru went to the chalkboard and touched a piece of chalk. He was disgusted went some of it came away onto his "beautiful" fingers. "Hmph! I am too good for this impudent piece of chalk! One of you! I need you to write on this…board for me. I don't want to get my hands dirty…" He pointed to some other boy in the class. "You! Write this down: 12x125. You have one second to solve!"

"But we're in first grade!" cried Ramona.

"We don't know multiplication!" Added Richie.

"What's multiplication?" Asked Stinky.

"I got the answer!" Said Hakudoushi.

"Except for him…" muttered Mimi.

"The answer is 1,500!" Hakudoushi exclaimed. Sesshomaru looked mad.

"WRONG!" Sesshomaru yelled, even though the answer was right.

"But, he's right, though..." said the boy at the board, Paco.

"NO! HE'S WRONG! IF I SAY HE'S WRONG, HE'S WRONG!" then he looked up in the air saying, "Look, up in the sky! It's a bird, it's a plane! No...it's SUPER F!" A piece of paper with a red cape and a giant red f with "SUPER!" written above it whizzed in the air and landed on Hakudoushi's desk. Hakudoushi's eye twitched. He never gotten an F before. Why, he was the most perfect little boy in the universe (or so mother says...)

Paco looked up at the clock on the wall. It was 9:30 A.M. "The evil and totally hot and sexy Mr. Sesshomaru?" He says, before he was interrupted by more angel music, making the class look around again. "It's snack time."

"…Fine then…" Sesshomaru scoffed. "Line up, you unworthy midgets." As the children lined up (with Hakudoushi in front of course), Sesshomaru pulled out a bag of cookies. He took a cookie, smashed it, and put the cookie bag away. He gave everyone a crumb so small a flea would say that wasn't very filling.

"Can I have another cookie?" Lulu asked.

"NO! Make it last! This is good for you!" Sesshomaru stated, looking snooty.

"My cookie crumb tastes funny…" Complains Tomas.

"It's tofu and prune!"

The class up-chucks their cookie crumbs. Tofu and Prune? NASTY! The bell rang for the children to leave for recess, however Sesshomaru blocked the door.

"Where do you think you're going?" Sesshomaru asked, crossing his arms.

"…To…recess?" Hakudoushi said.

"Hah! You will not partake in such ridiculous things as your so-called recess! You will stay here and work until you are almost as smart and fabulous as me!"

"AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Went the class.

(Later)

While the class was silently struggling reading "War and Peace" in under five minutes, with Sesshomaru admiring himself in a mirror, Hakudoushi tried to devise a plan. So far he tried outsmarting him with logic, out running him and some other stuff I'm too lazy to mention.

'_He's so perfect; I can't get rid of him!' _Hakudoushi thought, hiding his face from Sesshomaru. _'He's so cruel and heartless, too. I wonder what happened to him?' _And that's when Hakudoushi's memory was jogged in the most opportune time.

"The evil and totally hot and sexy Mr. Sesshomaru?" Hakudoushi said, raising his hand. "Can I use the bathroom?"

"Is it an emergency?" Sesshomaru grumbled, putting down his mirror.

"Yes!" Hakudoushi started dancing.

"Hurry up…" Sesshomaru grumbled, looking back into his mirror.

In the bathroom Hakudoushi quickly went into the stalls to change. "Sesshomaru is going to get his! Or my name isn't…"

He jumps out the stall in a French maid's dress. "ALBINO LA—WHOOPS! Wrong costume…sorry folks." He jumps back into the stall, changes into the right outfit and hops out as…

"ALBINO LAD! And with my trusty shoe phone, I'll call the one person who can stop that narcissistic meanie!"

Meanwhile in the classroom…Sesshomaru was torturing the children even more with trigonometry, until suddenly, swooping out of the sky and crashing through the window was:

_DA DADA DAAAAAAAAA!_

"Who the hell are you?" Sesshomaru asks, pulling out Tokujin.

"ALBINO LAD!" the kids know!

"That's right, Sesshomaru! I'm Albino Lad and you're teacher's license to torture is about to be revoked!"

"Spare me the cheesy puns!" Sesshomaru said, springing into action. " You can't stop me!"

"No, but I know someone who can!" Albino Lad stated. "You can come in now!"

Sesshomaru stopped in his tracks and gasped. "Naraku?"

Naraku looked peeved. "You are in desperate need of therapy. Stop torturing these children and get help!"

"But my love…" Sesshomaru whimpered. "I just want you to come back to me. I-If you do, I'll give you more space when you need it and I'll promise to be good!"

"No! Our relationship was over, and it'll always be over! I'll just take you to the counselor's office and you can discuss all your problems there…"

"Will you be there with me?" Sesshomaru giggled, grabbing Naraku's hand and kissing it.

"No way, I can't be seen with you! I'm totally straight now!" Naraku grabbed Sesshomaru's hand and dragged him out of the room. "I'll see you later son—I'm sorry—Albino Lad."

"Thanks Mr.!" Albino Lad said, waving his had goodbye. The class just stood there, a bit bewildered. Probably because they never seen a gay couple (that used to be) anymore.

"We have no teacher…" Tomas said.

"What do we do now?" Says Stinky.

"Well, first graders!" Albino Lad/Hakudoushi began, "I Albino Lad, defender of everyone one and up, will allow you to leave early to enjoy yourselves…with NO HOMEWORK!"

"HOOOORRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" Screamed the children. The lifted their hero up into the air. "YAY ALBINO LAD!"

* * *

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	4. Relationship Help Porno Tapes

**THIS IS OUR BEST CHAPTER YET! IT'S HEAVILY BASED ON THAT ONE EPISODE OF FAMILY GUY! **

**THAT MEANS YOU BETTER REVIEW!**

**:Hakudoushi knows how to get his...okay I shouldn't have said that.:**

**:S. Devilin:**

* * *

Why get married if you're just going to have a boat-load of issues? This was a question Hakudoushi, also known as the famed superhero Albino Lad, which had popped up inside his head when Naraku was talking on the phone with his mistress Kikyo shamelessly the other day IN FRONT OF HIS WIFE, Shirabe. Now everyone and the authoress means EVERYONE knows that Naraku is cheating on her, except for her father of course. I mean, even strangers, servants, and slaves in Shirabe's dungeon know. Has Shirabe done anything about it? No…or at least not yet anyway. 

So why should Hakudoushi care? Now that our once cold-hearted, yet totally hot demon boy is a super-heroic, totally hot demon boy, and he hasn't heard any of those "wild animal noises" from their room in one whole day, he decides to rekindle his parent's relationship…even though Naraku was leaving on Mother's Day anyway (A/N: WATCH OUT FOR THE MOTHER'S DAY SPECIAL!)

Thanks to Miss Maru, also known as his unnaturally happy sidekick, Miss Gold Star, Hakudoushi acquired a relationship video for his mother and father from Best Buy. On Saturday, Hakudoushi presented this to them at breakfast…and it kind of ruined their breakfast too…

"YOU GOT US A WHAT NOW, BOY?" Naraku and Shirabe said in unison, both of them were mad. Shirabe crushed a Caucasian baby's heart in her hand and cereal spilled out of Naraku mouth.

"I got you this video, to help you be happy at the fact that you married each other!" Hakudoushi explained. He held up a video that with the title "A Way With Words in Marriage" on the box. However, none of them noticed the "XXX" that was crossed out almost completely on the sides of the box.

"'A Way With Words in Marriage'?" Shirabe read when she snatched the box away from her child. "Puddin', you know yo' daddy don't love me! He just staying her 'cause I got the bigger BOOBIES!" She wave her finger at Hakudoushi.

"Yes, I do!" Naraku stated. Shirabe and Hakudoushi just stared at him, plus maybe a few passing servants in her kitchen laughed hard while they worked, appreciating the joke that came from his lips. Beelzebub, the family Steward for thousands of generations, stopped to shake his head then exited the kitchen. Naraku was a great liar, but this was one of his moments where his Perfect Lie Meter was off.

"But _mooooooooooooooooooom_!" Hakudoushi whined in a whine that matched perfectly to Cartman's. "I can't sleep without you two grinding for twelve hours! Don't you want what's best for me! Think about my schooling! Think about Dictator College!"

Shirabe looked into her son's pleading eyes, then she looked at Naraku who resumed eating his cereal like a hog. It was pretty cute. She thought about it. She loved him very much, but knew that there was no way in the universe that he would love her like that back…I'm not being pessimistic…just stating the true facts.

And then she mumbled, "_Ugh, this is what happens when you have HOT children…" _"Alright, Hakudoushi…we'll HUMOR you and watch the damn tape…c'mon, HUSBAND…"

"Wait! I just received a text message!" Naraku said, looking down at a cell phone (that I KNOW THAT HE DIDN'T HAVE BEFORE! WORK WITH ME!)

"Yeah, a text message from Kikyo." A random servant added, grabbing the dishes from the table.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" Naraku cried, knowing well that he was right.

"COME ON, SLA-HUSBAND!" Shirabe yelled, whipping him out of his chair and upstairs to their room.

----

"This is some bull…" Naraku said, lying on the bed as Shirabe put the tape in the T.V.

"You think I don't know that?" Shirabe remarked, sitting down right next to him, with her head resting on her hand. "Well, here goes nothing. Maybe this wouldn't be as bad as the Paint-Drying Tournament we had to go to in Level Three."

On the screen a sort-of familiar looking woman sat down on a couch. She looked like a professional-looking woman with her red business suit jacket and skirt, her hair in an up-do, and stylish glasses.

"Hello, I'm Doctor Vivian," She began, "and let me first congratulate you for taking this first step to a better relationship by purchasing this video."

"Hmph…" went Naraku and Shirabe.

"I'd like to start of by asking your _lovely_ wife to LEAVE the room. This part is for men only for the time being. We'll see you in a little while."

Shirabe blinked a few times, then shrugged her shoulders. "Whatever…I was hungry anyway…" With that she left the room and went back to the kitchen. Naraku was left alone with the tape. He was tempted to turn it off and burn it until…

"Make sure your wife is out of the room…" Doctor Vivian continued in a sexy voice. Naraku sat back down immediately in wonder. Doctor Vivian removed her glasses and let her hair fall down. Naraku came to the suprising realization that Doctor Vivian was actually YURA OF THE HAIR!

"Now, do you want me to talk or do you want me take my top off?" She asked, removing her jacket. Naraku was speechless and wide-eyed.

Yura giggled devilishly. "Of course, darling…" She removed her white shirt, revealing her black bra. "You men make me soooo HOT! I hope you like big breast because mine are so big this itty-bitty bra can barely take them." (A/N: Yura's aren't that big, really…) "Do you want to see more?"

"Yes…please…" Naraku stammered in shock.

In 0.5 seconds, Yura put her clothes and glasses back on and put her hair up again, becoming Doctor Vivian again. "Well then you have to buy my next tape…" Naraku's eye were still wide, and with the same expression he went downstairs to fetch his wife.

----

"Hey, mom…shouldn't you be upstairs watching the video I got you?" Hakudoushi asked as he watched his mother eat a large submarine sandwich.

"Meh…the lady on the tape said that the wives had to get out for some special one-on-one time with the men. I think she's scolding him. After all, it IS his fault." She finished the sandwich in one big chomp. Just then Naraku came downstairs with his wide-eyes.

"You can come back up now…" He said like a dead-man. Shirabe glanced at Hakudoushi then went back upstairs to finish the video.

Even though Shirabe has no clue that the relationship tape was really porno in masquerade, her relationship With Naraku was getting better. Since they were married, she fed Naraku year-old dog food remnants and undercooked lima beans. Now she's serving him fresh bread crusts and fully cooked lima beans! Sometimes she would wash his hair for him. But, this was a difficult task, because his hair was alive and devoured every hair-care product that came near it. Once it almost ate her. Naraku was enjoying it too, but that was just to make his wife happy. He was really happy to see Yura strip for him in the comfort of his own home. He immediately asked Hakudoushi, his son, to buy the next tape, just to see Yura.

(The Next Day)

"Here dad, this is the next relationship tape in the series." Hakudoushi said, handing it over to Naraku. But Shirabe swiped it before it got to his hands.

"What, another one?" She mumbled. She looked at the price tag. "$49.99? What kind of shit—"

"Now, now, honey," Naraku said softly, taking it away from her hands gently. "Our relationship cannot be measured in nipples and dimes. I-I mean nickels and boobs. Money."

Shirabe raised a brow.

"I'll be upstairs!" He finished, dashing off to their room.

"Weird." Hakudoushi and Shirabe said together. Shirabe went upstairs shortly after him.

As she opened their bedroom door she said "Naraku, why are you so—" She saw Naraku sitting on the foot of the bed naked with the remote in his hand. He saw her and quickly grabbed a pillow from behind him.

"GAH! THISPARTISFORTHEMEN!" He screamed. Shirabe quickly shut the door, looking surprised.

Later that night, when Naraku was fast asleep (Dreaming about Kikyo and Yura of course.), Shirabe took the tape and watched it in a room down the hall. She watched the two tapes she had so far (Naraku requested for the next copy) in it's entirety, including the so-called "Men's Part"…

The next afternoon, Shirabe sat on the table in the kitchen, next to the new tape Hakudoushi bought for him. Hakudoushi himself was at the table, too, counting money his momma refurbished him with. When Naraku came in he only saw the tape on the table. He grabbed it quickly and hugged it. And then ran back upstairs. Shirabe didn't make a move…

…Yet.

----

"How 'bout some whipped cream…" Yura said. This time she was on a bed with random aphrodisiacs and seasonings spread out on the sheets. She sprayed some whip cream all over herself.

"Oh… that's always good…" Naraku said to the screen.

"And some cinnamon…"

"That's good too…"

"And guess what? I'm going to now add…"

"OH! If she's says Mrs. Dash I'm going to lose it!"

"NARAKU I'M ASHAMED OF YOU!" The screen went from a totally naked Yura to Shirabe in a bathrobe.

"AHHHHHH!" Naraku shrieked.

"I know what you've been doing and I'm very disappointed in you! I had to dish out over 150 bucks to Hakudoushi!"

"Oh…usually porn stars usually don't turn back into you until AFTER they finish." He said to himself.

"These tapes are about rekindling our relationship, not male fantasies! If you wanted to see a woman acting nasty," Shirabe started to take off her robe and her tone of voice became very sexy. _"You should have told me…" _She revealed to him the very skimpy " Gothic Lolita-esque" black and white lingerie she wore. You know…stuff you see in THOSE kinds of magazines.

"This is hot!" Naraku exclaimed. His interest was now peaked when she struck a sexy pose.

"Look over there…" She pointed to the left. He turned left to see her standing right there in the same pose. Naraku freaked out and tried to cover the screen. Shirabe just smiled lustfully at him.

"SHIRABE! THIS IS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE! I DON'T KNOW THAT WOMAN! SHE MEANS NOTHING TO ME!" He stammered.

"Naraku it's okay!" She said, going up to him.

"Yeah?"

'"I was only trying to be sexy for ya!"

"Aww, c'mere, darlin'!" He swept her off her feet and gave her a long kiss. While they were kissing Naraku grabbed the remote and tried to rewind back to the "You should have told me part" about three times.

I will fast forward this to around midnight. Naraku and Shirabe were getting into it for five hours so far. Hakudoushi was satisfied and slept blissfully through all the moaning and screaming and panting. Albino Lad has once again saved the day…um, marriage rather.

But no…this isn't really a happy ending.

To Be Continued.


End file.
